Our confidence dissolves, we put on our blackest and frumpiest clothes and start listening to Leonard Cohen. But it doesn’t have to be like this!
If we can divorce ourselves from the negative emotions that surround our failures, they can actually have some hidden benefits. Here’s how to seek out some positives:
- Whatever happens, you’ve learnt something. Even its it how not to do something, or the type of person not to date, it’s still a valuable lesson of what to avoid the in the future. For example, you may attracted to ‘bad boys’ but you need to learn that this type of guy does not lead to happiness (the clues in the word ‘bad’.)
- Failing shows you have made a decision and taken an action. This time it didn’t work out, but once you’ve started taking actions you may find that one action one will naturally follow another – provided you don’t get stuck blaming yourself.
- Failing can build resilience. Persistence is like a muscle – the more you persist, the stronger you become. If you can take failure in your stride, if can you get up and start again, you’ll find that whenever you need to show courage, your resilience resource will already be there.
- Failure may encourage you to ask questions about commitment. To what extent to you really want to achieve your goal? Is it actually something you really want in the first place? What are your motivations? Are you failing because secretly your goal is something your friends, family or society thinks should be achieving, but deep down you know it’s not what you want?
My mum has a good philosophy that ‘the person who never failed anything never tried anything’ so whatever happens, keep going and see what life teaches you along the way.