One way to forget your troubles is to do something different and take your mind off it – so last night, I did stand-up comedy again.
I’d like to say – the more you do it, the easier it gets, but I’m not there yet. There’s nothing like standing up in front of group of strangers (and then attempting to make them laugh), to induce nerve wrenching, gut twisting panic.
Still I was happy with last nights performance and next time I will put together a routine of all my ‘greatest hits’ – or rather the jokes that people laughed at the most. Every time I’ve done comedy I’ve performed mostly new material – so it always feel like a huge gamble which increases the fear factor even more. That’s why I don’t tend invite people I know, as it just adds to the pressure to perform.
I switched back to comedy as the thought of my imminent move was really starting to get to me. I’m still finding it hard to accept what’s ahead and I’m not dealing with it very well. Like most families there are certain quirks and behaviours that are guaranteed to drive each other crazy and because of all the changes recently, annoying family traits have all been rushing to the surface. Distance doesn’t help and I’m still waiting for everyone else to get their plans together, which is frustrating.
So I got a bit stuck. The momentum I had built up, vaporized overnight and I’ve been suffering from a bad case of writers block (or was it life block?). It was weird that as soon as I got my copy of the new ‘Artists and Writers Year Book’, all my great plans for writing articles came grinding to a halt. Was this self sabotage or just exhaustion?
So as a distraction I returned to comedy – a sure fire way to change my focus. Thank goodness it seems to have provided the kick up the butt I needed. My husband thought I was mad piling the stress of the performance on top of everything else. But I tried to explain that this was stress my choice and that one lot of stress cancelled out the other! Today I am tired, but feeling a bit more motivated again.
I need to remember that with everything that’s going on in my life, the wins may be small, but they are wins none the less. And now I’m in it for the long haul.